Retards Of Our Planet (Part 5)

Don't Trust Foreign Companies...
...is the opinion of renowned dumbass Sarah Palin in the wake of the environmental disaster in the Gulf Of La Raza.
Thankfully her husband Todd Palin is far less xenophobic, having only recently left British oil giant BP after 18 years of loyal service.
Reported here.

Evil Otters 
The Kendal and District Angling Club are in uproar due to malicious otters having the gall to eat fish in local rivers.
Otters are a protected species in England after their numbers fell to near extinction in the 1980s. One angry fisherman, Mr Tony Ryan, has proposed lifting their protected status so he can legally kill them.
Reported here.

Bunting Banned 
Carnival organisers in Ferndown, Dorset have been banned from hanging up bunting (strings of small, plastic flags) on grounds that it might cause lampposts to fall down.
Nuff said really! Reported here.

Retards Of Our Planet (Part 4)

Delving into Plymouth's Herald newspaper has turned up two examples!

Example 1: Last Saturday ten teenagers decided to swim out to Drake's Island, 1/2 mile offshore in Plymouth Sound. All of them made it there. SIX of them had not considered how to get back...
(It's okay, they're still alive! Reported here)

Example 2: The top 10 most retarded emergency calls received by Devon & Cornwall Police during 2009 -

1. "My power has gone off. Will my Sarah Lee gateaux defrost in the freezer if I keep the door shut and how long would it take?"
2. "The Chinese takeaway I ordered is 45 minutes late. I want you to prosecute the takeaway for ripping me off."
3. "Can one of your officers come around to my house to tell my sons to calm down?"
4. One night during the summer 15 999 calls were made all reporting UFOs in the sky over Cornwall. It turned out the spectacle was lights and lasers from a concert at the Eden Project.
5. "I can see a really rare bird sitting on top of a telegraph pole – who shall I ring?"
6. "I bought a pair of jeans at a shop last week and took them back but the shop won't give me a refund."
7. "There's been a pigeon in my back garden for the past three days – it's got a tag on."
8. "I have lost my shoplifting ticket I was given when I was arrested last week."
9. "Can you put me in touch with whoever deals with noise pollution as there is a builder using an angle grinder outside?"
10. A woman dialled 999 after waking up with her duvet covering her head and panicking.

(top 10 as reported by The Herald here.)

Retards Of Our Planet (Part 3)

Trainspotter nearly killed by train.
You know you're a lousy trainspotter when you fail to "spot" the one coming right up behind you at 70mph!

Retards Of Our Planet (Part 2)

Politician: "allowing same-sex marriages will encourage bestiality"

Republican (surprise, surprise) former Congressman, and potential future Senator for Arizona, J.D. Hayworth, made the news by claiming that a Massachusetts law allowing same-sex marriage could lead to a man legally marrying a horse.

Reported here.

And he defended his claim!

Reported here.

Retards Of Our Planet (Part 1)

Example #1 - Dumbfuck Republican (illustrated)

Well, he IS correct. But first some knowledge.

The term Czar (spelled Tsar in the UK) has absolutely FUCK ALL to do with communism.

In Russia the word (derived from Latin, Caesar) was used for their hereditary monarchs.

In America the word czar is a term used to refer to high-ranking civil servants, and is used solely as a shorthand by the media as a means of shortening official titles of these advisors/directors/envoys/etc.

The term has been thus used for +90 years in the USA.

Hardly a new-fangled phrase that somebody could easily misconstrue. Unless they were a RIGHT-WING MONGOLOID.

Oh yeah, and which US President has been responsible for the biggest increase in appointment of "czars" during his administration? Why, that would be the boy-wonder, DUBYA! But you don't see this shitstick complaining about that.

But now for the kicker, that really shows that the RETARDED REPUBLICAN FUCK knows precisely JACK SHIT.

The last Russian Tsar/Czar, Nicholas II, was overthrown in the Russian Revolution in 1917, meaning that the USSR has never had even a SINGLE Tsar/Czar.

Because AUTOCRACY is not able to coexist with COMMUNISM. Of course anyone who wasn't an UNEDUCATED DUMBFUCK would know this.

By the way, the USSR no longer exists.

So to recap for the benefit of stupid people, THE FACT THAT BARACK OBAMA HAS ADVISORS DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS A COMMUNIST!

THE COLD WAR HAS ENDED! THE USSR IS NO MORE! RUSSIANS ARE NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! THEY NEVER WERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Try getting a fucking education before making a placard.

Rant over.

Example #2 - Star Wars fans

Wishing we could have a lightsabre battle! We've all been there, some of us have done it (albeit with plastic versions). I still have the purple lightsabre I bought in a fit of drunkenness after watching Attack Of The Clones.

However, for two fans this was not enough.

So they filled fluorescent light tubes with petrol, ignited them and went to work.

Don't worry. They're still alive! <-- BBC website
I shall return to this topic.
Retards, not lightsabres, although actually I might talk about them some more in the future. Lightsabres are good.