Unintentionally Terrifying Wrestling Fanfiction

Following on from my previous post containing reviews of comedic wrestling fanfiction, here is a piece of writing that is impossible to find humourous.

The story uses the names (and physical appearances) of professional wrestling characters but is entirely a work of fiction by its authors and is not published for profit.

Suburban Suicide - A truly TERRIFYING story. I shit you not.
Synopsis: makeup-wearing, drug-dealing, alcoholic teenager Randy Orton flees the physical and sexual abuse he suffers at the hands of his parents and goes on the run with his boyfriend Cody Rhodes and their maladaptive friends, including heroin-addicted prostitute Ashley Massaro and sociopathic pyromaniac Jeff Hardy, who has just murdered his own parents and elder brother. The group of buddies, all psychologically traumatised, form a dysfunctional family and travel about committing crimes (they steal and inflict violence with utter complacency) whilst struggling to come to terms with their deep and numerous issues.

This story was apparently inspired by Green Day's "American Idiot" (I'm afraid to ask how). Quite simply the most disturbing story I have read in ages. Dark, bleak, at times almost casually brutal.

The most sympathetic character, Randy, is also in many ways the most unpleasant, a young gang leader caught in flux between status as a abuser and abused.
Cody is the classic "Luke Skywalker" archetype - good boy, good family, did well at school - the twist being that he is Randy's lover as well as his protege.
Evan, who blames himself for the accidental death of his older sister, is the backbone of the group (even if Randy is portrayed as the leader) and appears to be almost a substitute father for the main character, although the two are a similar age.
Jeff has shotgunned his entire family because he feared catching a beating for being a bad example to his brother Matt. Out of the whole group he is the least emotional, almost catatonic at times, and casually mentions that he is completely capable of committing murder.
Ashley? A homeless teenage crackwhore who is on a mission to be reunited with her infant daughter, removed from her by a court order.
Ted is somewhat of a mystery, supposedly from a perfect background, although it is hinted that his parents neglect him and that he has had his heart broken by a female cousin.
With the exception of Cody, the entire group are sexually promiscuous, smoke, abuse alcohol and indulge in everything from cannabis to crystal meth. Hell, their pre-runaway hideout was formerly used by a paedophile ring!
Could things honestly get any more grim...???

On a more positive note, the entire group are acceptive of Randy and Cody's homosexual relationship, with Evan being especially supportive. Also, they all have a curiously hopeful attitude, a assumption that things will turn out okay in the end, especially considering the apparent hopelessness of their lives and situation. Make no mistake, the characters are ALL victims, and seem to realise it (at least to an extent). Of course, breaking the cycle of abuse is often easier said than done.

This story is still a work in progress. And, as you see, it has inspired me to write a moderately in-depth analysis (at least for a blog!). The writing itself is not the stuff of Shakespeare, but it has heart and tackles some extremely unpleasant issues. It provoked a reaction from me, which is what creative writing is supposed to do. I'm quite eager to see how the story pans out.

Bear in mind that initially I only read it to make fun of it. Obviously, things did not turned out the way I anticipated.

And for that, I have much respect for the authors, Bob1097 and Neurotic-Idealist

Unintentionally Hilarious Wrestling Fanfiction Part 1

I found this fanfiction website (fanfiction.net) accidentally whilst googling a minor Hart family member. Fanfiction is new to me. I was instantly horrified/intrigued by the premise that internet writers would create their own (usually bizaare) stories featuring actual professional wrestlers in odd (frequently sexual) situations.

Here are brief plotline reviews of some unintentionally hilarious ones.
Links provided to the full stories, but be warned! Some of the written material on the site is sexually explicit and potentially offensive. If in doubt, don't visit the site. I've suffered for your sins by reading this crap, you don't have to suffer yourself. (Wow, I feel like such a Messiah now!)

Til A Death Do Us Part - Batista and Rey Misterio Jr (I refuse to use WWE's spelling) are gay lovers. Batista is extremely protective of his territory (Rey-Rey's Mexican ass) and is revealed to have murdered Randy Orton to prevent him stealing the diminutive luchador's convivial cornhole. Presumably he then walked a mile inside Oscar's Pit Of Danger.

Life Is Good - Triple H ruminates on his 16-year romance with Shawn Michaels. Not hugely comedic, but I laughed for ages after misreading a passage as "To see his sparkling blue eyes when he woke up in the morning, to hear his laugh whenever he pissed in the hallway"... Immaturity FTW! But let's face it, their Clique buddy Sean Waltman probably pisses in the hallway and shits on the ceiling every morning, so you can understand my error.

Mickie James Tribute (poem/song) - the lyrics are actually better than 99% of WWE's theme music, but does Mickie James really deserve heartfelt tributes? (WrestleCrap actually did a special radio show for Blade Braxton to cry about her) She aint dead! She's just Future Endeavoured! Ahhh, I never liked her much anyway, and was quite put off by the pics of her sticking her fingers up her meaty you-know-what.

Hero By Night - Description: "By day, he is Mark Calaway, simple mechanic. But by night, he becomes the supernatural vigilante known to the world as the Undertaker. Now, he faces an enemy who has a sinister plan to destroy him, and take his city with him."
Too bad that currently there is only a cast-list, because this sounds freakin' awesome! How can you possibly beat a supernatural mechanic taking on Boogeyman, Gangrel, Daffney, Mordecai and PAPA SHANGO??!! I would pay to see this concept made into a film!!!
Having said that, is the author the only fan in the world NOT to know about Michelle McKoolaid? And Mideon being already dead just plain sucks.

Maryse Meets the Deadman - Maryse is sick of violently possessive Randy Orton (who seems to be a fanfic favourite) so she shags Undertaker (Michelle McKoolaid is NOT a fanfic favourite).
What made me chuckle was the mental image of the Undertaker in BOXER SHORTS! That and the fact that after the Man From The Darkside was thru with the French Canadian Beauty Queen they "licked up all the juices that was there"! Badly Written Zombie Porn FTW! I was less impressed by the inaccuracy of description when it came to Maryse's breasts (and I have enjoyed enjoying her Playboy pics, so I know my shit). "Perky"? Agreed, they are perky (silicone represent yo!). But "Huge"...? Nahhh, kiddo, those aren't huge. Trust me. I've had sex at least... hmmmm.... well, more times than you!!

Stolen Love - All is not well in the Land of Raw! Undertaker and Kane lead the peasants in resistance (sadly without the aid of Sly, Con-man & Boner Boy) against the evil Prince Kurt! Undertaker's daughter Maria has been kidnapped to become the sex-slave of Arch-Duke Randy Orton! Lita gets raped by Kurt Angle! I'm not making any of this up!!!

Mating Season - Jeff Hardy is a GAY WEREWOLF!!! What is more, he wants to rape, murder and eat his own brother Matt along with Matt's gay boyfriend Adam Copeland! "The Hardy Show" just got taken to the EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME! (on a serious note, this story contains graphic descriptions of sex, don't visit unless you are over 18 and really want to)

Why is there so much male homosexuality in these things?
I want to read stories about comely lesbian Divas botching foreplay and breaking their clavicles whilst attempting the 69!
I guess I'll have to keep reading. And updating my blog with what I find!