Lost In Translation: Twitter!

Following the example of PyroPoet, I've been putting Tweets in Portuguese through Google Translate to try to make sense of them. Hilarity insued!

These Tweets were all related to a certain Brazilian soccer star. Here are the cream of the crop:

• Maluf opens avenue Michel Bastos. Steal a few balls, but he scores, and leaves a large estate on his back.
• imagine taking a kick in the sack of Michel Bastos? one lump sum to 139km an hour? dude, your bag would disappear for sure
• Every day for more old Michel Bastos Roberto Carlos. The great goal to put it confirms Zimbabwe. The best free kick.
• Michel Bastos bangers player coincide with the last name translation into French.
• Michel bastos firming its position by sending well! Thank goodness because I could not bear the Gilberto.
• Julio Batista, with pass-heel, and Michel Bastos, with lack of home run, left good impression.
• Good band player Michel Bastos. He has a great left foot shot. Footballer interesting.
• The kick from Michel Bastos reached 139 km / h. It fucking bitch!
• Great Michel Bastos. Shot the best player of the match!

So Michel Bastos steals balls, leaves estates on his back, makes bags disappear and shoots people.
Only three words can adequately sum that up:

"IT FUCKING BITCH!"