From the Norway-based news site Nettavisen (here in English via Google Translate, here in Norweigan)
Hans JΓΈrgen Olsen, a 12-year-old boy from Leksvig, Norway was making his way to school with his 10-year-old sister when the pair were confronted by a....MOOSE! The moose was clearly in an irritable mood as it charged them on sight. Young Hans shrieked at the enraged beast but "realised quickly that it would not stop". Presumably when it butted him to the ground. When he regained his bearings the creature was standing menacingly over him.
At this point things get weird. Hans told the newspaper that he drove away the moose by pretending to be dead: a trick he learnt "on Level 30 of World of Warcraft". One might suggest that the moose (a herbivore) got bored and buggered off to find some grass to eat.
But in any case, the moose did leave so Hans and his sister were able to make it to school uneaten. The school nurse was able to confirm that the heroic youth had suffered nowt more damage than a few bruises. All's well that ends well!
Seriously though, a MOOSE? Is a moose really going to kill and devour someone? If so, how? A moose can't exactly GORE ya. Okay, sure, it has antlers. Antlers that look like OVEN GLOVES!
Come to think of it, oven gloves would probably do more damage. You could slap somebody with one and cause them to spill their tea over their foot.
This has been a World Of Bizarre special.
And unlike *other* sites, I've actually done my research and not embellished the news story.
Showing posts with label Unintentionally Hilarious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Unintentionally Hilarious. Show all posts
Monday, 7 June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Lost In Translation: Twitter!
Following the example of PyroPoet, I've been putting Tweets in Portuguese through Google Translate to try to make sense of them. Hilarity insued!
These Tweets were all related to a certain Brazilian soccer star. Here are the cream of the crop:
Only three words can adequately sum that up:
"IT FUCKING BITCH!"
These Tweets were all related to a certain Brazilian soccer star. Here are the cream of the crop:
- Maluf opens avenue Michel Bastos. Steal a few balls, but he scores, and leaves a large estate on his back.
- imagine taking a kick in the sack of Michel Bastos? one lump sum to 139km an hour? dude, your bag would disappear for sure
- Every day for more old Michel Bastos Roberto Carlos. The great goal to put it confirms Zimbabwe. The best free kick.
- Michel Bastos bangers player coincide with the last name translation into French.
- Michel bastos firming its position by sending well! Thank goodness because I could not bear the Gilberto.
- Julio Batista, with pass-heel, and Michel Bastos, with lack of home run, left good impression.
- Good band player Michel Bastos. He has a great left foot shot. Footballer interesting.
- The kick from Michel Bastos reached 139 km / h. It fucking bitch!
- Great Michel Bastos. Shot the best player of the match!
Only three words can adequately sum that up:
"IT FUCKING BITCH!"
Saturday, 8 May 2010
"My Immortal" reviewed!! Greatest Harry Potter ripoff EVER!!
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD (sic!)
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"(sic) - Dumbledore
As detailed in this post, on 26 April I discovered the wondrous existence of "fan-fiction". This phenomenon seems to consist of crazed teenagers (I know, whodathunkit?) composing literary disasterpieces based on...well...anything, but usually cartoons, pro-wrestling, films and actual books.
Books like the Harry Potter series...
On 5 May 2010, I discovered My Immortal, the magnum opus of an author known only as Tara Gilesbie (30,800 hits on Google. I'm serious!).
My Immortal was placed on a popular fanfic website and received +10,000 reviews before being taken down because JK ROWLING THREATENED TO SUE!!!
If that's not a recommendation, nothing is!
It is kept alive here (contains MUCH strong language and extremely pathetic descriptions of sex) by Kthnxbai (who has my respect and gratitude for his/her commitment to preservation of culture).
The saga is not simply a Harry Potter fanfic. It actually has virtually nothing to do with Harry Potter, despite being set in Hogwarts and featuring numerous HP characters.
My Immortal is quite absolutely the most moronically written, fantastically nonsensical, ludicrously over-the-top, insanely misspelled, lunatic bullshit ever written in the history of humanity.
Consequently, it REEKS OF AWESOMENESS!!!
The story centres (in the most extreme sense of the word) on Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, best known as Enoby (sic). Enoby is a 17 year-old goff (sic). She is also a vampire, an emo, a self-harmer, a Satanist and a witch. Her favourite spells are Abra Kedabara (sic) and Crookshanks (sic). She cries tears of blood. She sleeps in a coffin. She has a fetish for gay men.
So of course she attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to be with other young personages like herself.
I'm actually serious...! This version of Hogwarts is populated almost entirely by youngsters who are also simultaneously goffs, vampires, emos, self-harmers and Satanists who get off on watching young men have sex with each other. And these are the good guys!
The exceptions are House Grifindoor (sic), who are preppy posers and don't know the lyrics to Good Charlotte songs. I have no idea what that actually means, but it doesn't matter because the only Grifindoor mentioned is a girl called Britney (apparently the author's real-life nemesis). She is BAD. Well... she's blonde, anyway. And a clueless, preppy poser!
Plot?
Everything revolves around the main character Tara Gilesbie....er....Enoby.
No effort is spared in making sure we know the precise details of Enoby's outfit (which changes frequently, albeit not greatly).
All the good guys dress in exactly the same style. Because they're all goffs. Yeah.
They also listen to goff music. Like My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park and Marilyn Manson. Yeah.
As alluded to, clueless posers are roundly condemned in this story. Yeah.
Aside from this, things are a little sketchy.
Enoby goes toheavy metal goff concerts in Hogsmeade, smokes "cigarettes and drugs", cuts her wrists, reads "sad books", obsesses about how unfortunate she is to be so incredibly beautiful, is rude to preppy posers, swears a LOT, goes back in time and also has sex with virtually everyone who is up for it with her. Naturally, everyone is.
There are also strange subplots involving suicide,heavy metal GOFF concerts, preppy posers, murder, rape, incest, interior design, fashion (goff, natch) and even an orgy.
In addition, there are many, many, many Out Of Character (OOC) comments from Tara aimed at the numerous detractors her story had. There is even an instance of an addition being made by a hacker (which Tara left in the story, perhaps because it greatly improved the prose for a chapter)
As you've doubtless ascertained, we're not in Kansas any more. These are the supporting characters who feature in My Immortal:
Draco (aka Darko/Drace) - black hair, red eyes, bisexual, goff. Paranoid. Pussy. Cries constantly. Commits suicide at one point (and comes back to life). Drives a flying Mercedes Benz with a 666 license plate. Actually that's kinda kewl... He is in a permanent love triangle with Enoby and...
Harry Vampire Potter (aka Vampir/Vrompire) - black hair, red eyes, bisexual, goff with "manly stubble"! Has a pentagram-shaped scar. Cries constantly. Is a Slytherin. (And yeah, he's a vampire. But so is virtually everyone)
Albert Dumbledore (aka Dumblydor/Dumbledork/Dumblydum) - angry teacher (see quote at top of page). Wears a robe bearing the motif "Avril Lavigne". Preppy poser. Paints the Great Hall pink. Then paints it black to prove how emo he is (because he's a preppy poser).
Professor McGoggle - angry teacher, fond of getting irate at students who have sex in front of her. Inconsiderate bitch.
Snap (aka Snoop/Snipe/Snake) - Christian teacher. Former rocker who was kicked out of his band for being a preppy poser. Also a child-molester. And, not forgetting, a homosexual! He likes to get his thang on with...
Loopin (aka Lumpkin) - Snap's boyfriend. Also a child-molester and voyeur. Both Loopin and Snap get sent to Azerbaijan for this. Then they come back.
Vlodemot (aka Voldemort/Voldemint/Volxemort/the Bark Lord) - Villain who wants to kill Draco (motive unexplained). What is known is that he reads people's minds via telekinesis. Oh, and he was once a rocker before he became outed as a preppy poser.
TomMarvolo Riddle Satan Bombodil - Vlodemot, as he was in the 1980s. A sexy goff teenager. Enoby goes back in time to have sex with him. Please don't ask how/why.
Snaketail - 16 yr-old Vlodemot lackie who tortures Draco and promptly begs Enoby for sex.
Professor Sinister (aka Professor Sinatra) - half-Japanese goff teacher who becomes a drug addict (I think). Naturally she's one of the heroes.
Professor Trevolry - I was very confused here. According to others, Trevolry is interchangeable with Sinister/Sinatra (see above). Difficult to tell.
Hermione B'loody Mary Smith - vampire, goff, Satanist, you know the deal by now. Which is why Hermione changed her name and became a Slytherin. She speaks Japanese. Sometimes. Badly.
Hargid (aka Hairgrid) - student in House Slytherin (because he's a Satanist, etc.) Also a sex-pest.
Mr Norris - school janitor, has a cat named Filth
Ron Diabolo Wesley - black hair, red eyes, yadayadayada, member of Slytherin. Became this way because his vampire father Mr Wesley sexually abused him and his siblings and committed suicide.
Jenny Wesley (aka Darkness)- Diabolo Wesley's sister. See above, story the same.
Crab Wesley and Goyle Wesley - twin brothers of Diabolo and Jenny/Darkness Wesley.
Nevel (aka Dracula) - His parents (vampire, natch) were killed in a car-crash, leading him to become black haired Satanic Slytherin, et al.
Cornelia Fuck - Mystery of Magic. Yes, you read that correctly. And it's a "he".
Doris Rumbridge - banishes Professor Sinister to Azerbaijan. For being a goff.
Serious Blak (aka Spartacus/Severus/Serifs) - Vampire Potter's goff dogfather. Yes, dogfather. Part of the goff band which abolished Snap for being a preppy poser.
James Somaro Potter - Vampire Potter's father. Part of goff band w/Serious & Snap. Is named for the ghost in The Ring. Yeah.
Lucian (aka Lucan) - Also part of above band. Possibly Draco's father. Had his arm shot clean off by Somaro Potter (they remained friends).
Hedwig - Vlodemot's ex-boyfriend. Yeah.
Dobby - Voyeur, enjoys watching Snap and Loopin shag.
At this point you might be thinking that Ms Tara Gilesbie could do with rereading the books. Actually, she freely admitted in OOC comments that she'd never read them at all!
She'd watched a couple of the films and the rest of the information came from her friend Raven, who also proof-read for her. After the first several chapters the two had a bad falling out which led to the author having no accurate information and no-one to spellcheck. Raven came back on board eventually, but the relationship was obviously rocky. Tara's OOC comments (and transparently-insincere apology for stealing a poster from her) prove that.
The mind-numbing (albeit hilarious) godawfulness of My Immortal has led many readers to question if the "story" is the work of a troll, deliberately subverting the fan-fiction genre.
My pet theory is that post-argument, Raven fed Tara false information regarding characters and spelling, leading to standards declining from dire to earth-shatteringly abysmal. It is worth noting that a number of fanfic authors have tried parodying My Immortal and none have come anywhere close.
If you doubt the fame of My Immortal, just Google it. Hell, it's seen numerous readings and several animated adaptations on YouTube!
For example: My Immortal-The Movie parts 1, 2 and 3.
And to conclude, some choice quotes from the epic:
“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” - Professor McGoggle
“I hath telekinesis.” - Vlodemot
“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” - B'loody Mary
“BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!” - Hargid
“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” - Cornelia Fuck
“I want to shit next to her!” - Draco
“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” - Professor Sinister
“If u don’t then I’ll rap Draco!” - Snap
“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight?" - Tom Satan Bombodil
“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!” - Professor Trevolry
“You fucking preppy fags!” - Serious Blak
“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” - Enoby
“OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” - Britney
Tara, you are a bonafide internet legend and one of my heroes!
Thanks for the lulz!
ENOBY LIVES!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"(sic) - Dumbledore
As detailed in this post, on 26 April I discovered the wondrous existence of "fan-fiction". This phenomenon seems to consist of crazed teenagers (I know, whodathunkit?) composing literary disasterpieces based on...well...anything, but usually cartoons, pro-wrestling, films and actual books.
Books like the Harry Potter series...
On 5 May 2010, I discovered My Immortal, the magnum opus of an author known only as Tara Gilesbie (30,800 hits on Google. I'm serious!).
My Immortal was placed on a popular fanfic website and received +10,000 reviews before being taken down because JK ROWLING THREATENED TO SUE!!!
If that's not a recommendation, nothing is!
It is kept alive here (contains MUCH strong language and extremely pathetic descriptions of sex) by Kthnxbai (who has my respect and gratitude for his/her commitment to preservation of culture).
The saga is not simply a Harry Potter fanfic. It actually has virtually nothing to do with Harry Potter, despite being set in Hogwarts and featuring numerous HP characters.
My Immortal is quite absolutely the most moronically written, fantastically nonsensical, ludicrously over-the-top, insanely misspelled, lunatic bullshit ever written in the history of humanity.
Consequently, it REEKS OF AWESOMENESS!!!
The story centres (in the most extreme sense of the word) on Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, best known as Enoby (sic). Enoby is a 17 year-old goff (sic). She is also a vampire, an emo, a self-harmer, a Satanist and a witch. Her favourite spells are Abra Kedabara (sic) and Crookshanks (sic). She cries tears of blood. She sleeps in a coffin. She has a fetish for gay men.
So of course she attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to be with other young personages like herself.
I'm actually serious...! This version of Hogwarts is populated almost entirely by youngsters who are also simultaneously goffs, vampires, emos, self-harmers and Satanists who get off on watching young men have sex with each other. And these are the good guys!
The exceptions are House Grifindoor (sic), who are preppy posers and don't know the lyrics to Good Charlotte songs. I have no idea what that actually means, but it doesn't matter because the only Grifindoor mentioned is a girl called Britney (apparently the author's real-life nemesis). She is BAD. Well... she's blonde, anyway. And a clueless, preppy poser!
Plot?
Everything revolves around the main character Tara Gilesbie....er....Enoby.
No effort is spared in making sure we know the precise details of Enoby's outfit (which changes frequently, albeit not greatly).
All the good guys dress in exactly the same style. Because they're all goffs. Yeah.
They also listen to goff music. Like My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte, Linkin Park and Marilyn Manson. Yeah.
As alluded to, clueless posers are roundly condemned in this story. Yeah.
Aside from this, things are a little sketchy.
Enoby goes to
There are also strange subplots involving suicide,
In addition, there are many, many, many Out Of Character (OOC) comments from Tara aimed at the numerous detractors her story had. There is even an instance of an addition being made by a hacker (which Tara left in the story, perhaps because it greatly improved the prose for a chapter)
As you've doubtless ascertained, we're not in Kansas any more. These are the supporting characters who feature in My Immortal:
Draco (aka Darko/Drace) - black hair, red eyes, bisexual, goff. Paranoid. Pussy. Cries constantly. Commits suicide at one point (and comes back to life). Drives a flying Mercedes Benz with a 666 license plate. Actually that's kinda kewl... He is in a permanent love triangle with Enoby and...
Albert Dumbledore (aka Dumblydor/Dumbledork/Dumblydum) - angry teacher (see quote at top of page). Wears a robe bearing the motif "Avril Lavigne". Preppy poser. Paints the Great Hall pink. Then paints it black to prove how emo he is (because he's a preppy poser).
Professor McGoggle - angry teacher, fond of getting irate at students who have sex in front of her. Inconsiderate bitch.
Snap (aka Snoop/Snipe/Snake) - Christian teacher. Former rocker who was kicked out of his band for being a preppy poser. Also a child-molester. And, not forgetting, a homosexual! He likes to get his thang on with...
Loopin (aka Lumpkin) - Snap's boyfriend. Also a child-molester and voyeur. Both Loopin and Snap get sent to Azerbaijan for this. Then they come back.
Vlodemot (aka Voldemort/Voldemint/Volxemort/the Bark Lord) - Villain who wants to kill Draco (motive unexplained). What is known is that he reads people's minds via telekinesis. Oh, and he was once a rocker before he became outed as a preppy poser.
Tom
Snaketail - 16 yr-old Vlodemot lackie who tortures Draco and promptly begs Enoby for sex.
Professor Sinister (aka Professor Sinatra) - half-Japanese goff teacher who becomes a drug addict (I think). Naturally she's one of the heroes.
Professor Trevolry - I was very confused here. According to others, Trevolry is interchangeable with Sinister/Sinatra (see above). Difficult to tell.
Hargid (aka Hairgrid) - student in House Slytherin (because he's a Satanist, etc.) Also a sex-pest.
Mr Norris - school janitor, has a cat named Filth
Jenny Wesley (aka Darkness)- Diabolo Wesley's sister. See above, story the same.
Crab Wesley and Goyle Wesley - twin brothers of Diabolo and Jenny/Darkness Wesley.
Nevel (aka Dracula) - His parents (vampire, natch) were killed in a car-crash, leading him to become black haired Satanic Slytherin, et al.
Cornelia Fuck - Mystery of Magic. Yes, you read that correctly. And it's a "he".
Doris Rumbridge - banishes Professor Sinister to Azerbaijan. For being a goff.
Serious Blak (aka Spartacus/Severus/Serifs) - Vampire Potter's goff dogfather. Yes, dogfather. Part of the goff band which abolished Snap for being a preppy poser.
Lucian (aka Lucan) - Also part of above band. Possibly Draco's father. Had his arm shot clean off by Somaro Potter (they remained friends).
Hedwig - Vlodemot's ex-boyfriend. Yeah.
Dobby - Voyeur, enjoys watching Snap and Loopin shag.
At this point you might be thinking that Ms Tara Gilesbie could do with rereading the books. Actually, she freely admitted in OOC comments that she'd never read them at all!
She'd watched a couple of the films and the rest of the information came from her friend Raven, who also proof-read for her. After the first several chapters the two had a bad falling out which led to the author having no accurate information and no-one to spellcheck. Raven came back on board eventually, but the relationship was obviously rocky. Tara's OOC comments (and transparently-insincere apology for stealing a poster from her) prove that.
The mind-numbing (albeit hilarious) godawfulness of My Immortal has led many readers to question if the "story" is the work of a troll, deliberately subverting the fan-fiction genre.
My pet theory is that post-argument, Raven fed Tara false information regarding characters and spelling, leading to standards declining from dire to earth-shatteringly abysmal. It is worth noting that a number of fanfic authors have tried parodying My Immortal and none have come anywhere close.
If you doubt the fame of My Immortal, just Google it. Hell, it's seen numerous readings and several animated adaptations on YouTube!
For example: My Immortal-The Movie parts 1, 2 and 3.
And to conclude, some choice quotes from the epic:
“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” - Professor McGoggle
“I hath telekinesis.” - Vlodemot
“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” - B'loody Mary
“BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!” - Hargid
“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” - Cornelia Fuck
“I want to shit next to her!” - Draco
“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” - Professor Sinister
“If u don’t then I’ll rap Draco!” - Snap
“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight?" - Tom Satan Bombodil
“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!” - Professor Trevolry
“You fucking preppy fags!” - Serious Blak
“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” - Enoby
“OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” - Britney
Tara, you are a bonafide internet legend and one of my heroes!
Thanks for the lulz!
ENOBY LIVES!
Monday, 26 April 2010
Unintentionally Hilarious Wrestling Fanfiction Part 1
I found this fanfiction website (fanfiction.net) accidentally whilst googling a minor Hart family member. Fanfiction is new to me. I was instantly horrified/intrigued by the premise that internet writers would create their own (usually bizaare) stories featuring actual professional wrestlers in odd (frequently sexual) situations.
Here are brief plotline reviews of some unintentionally hilarious ones.
Links provided to the full stories, but be warned! Some of the written material on the site is sexually explicit and potentially offensive. If in doubt, don't visit the site. I've suffered for your sins by reading this crap, you don't have to suffer yourself. (Wow, I feel like such a Messiah now!)
Til A Death Do Us Part - Batista and Rey Misterio Jr (I refuse to use WWE's spelling) are gay lovers. Batista is extremely protective of his territory (Rey-Rey's Mexican ass) and is revealed to have murdered Randy Orton to prevent him stealing the diminutive luchador's convivial cornhole. Presumably he then walked a mile inside Oscar's Pit Of Danger.
Life Is Good - Triple H ruminates on his 16-year romance with Shawn Michaels. Not hugely comedic, but I laughed for ages after misreading a passage as "To see his sparkling blue eyes when he woke up in the morning, to hear his laugh whenever he pissed in the hallway"... Immaturity FTW! But let's face it, their Clique buddy Sean Waltman probably pisses in the hallway and shits on the ceiling every morning, so you can understand my error.
Mickie James Tribute (poem/song) - the lyrics are actually better than 99% of WWE's theme music, but does Mickie James really deserve heartfelt tributes? (WrestleCrap actually did a special radio show for Blade Braxton to cry about her) She aint dead! She's just Future Endeavoured! Ahhh, I never liked her much anyway, and was quite put off by the pics of her sticking her fingers up her meaty you-know-what.
Hero By Night - Description: "By day, he is Mark Calaway, simple mechanic. But by night, he becomes the supernatural vigilante known to the world as the Undertaker. Now, he faces an enemy who has a sinister plan to destroy him, and take his city with him."
Too bad that currently there is only a cast-list, because this sounds freakin' awesome! How can you possibly beat a supernatural mechanic taking on Boogeyman, Gangrel, Daffney, Mordecai and PAPA SHANGO??!! I would pay to see this concept made into a film!!!
Having said that, is the author the only fan in the world NOT to know about Michelle McKoolaid? And Mideon being already dead just plain sucks.
Maryse Meets the Deadman - Maryse is sick of violently possessive Randy Orton (who seems to be a fanfic favourite) so she shags Undertaker (Michelle McKoolaid is NOT a fanfic favourite).
What made me chuckle was the mental image of the Undertaker in BOXER SHORTS! That and the fact that after the Man From The Darkside was thru with the French Canadian Beauty Queen they "licked up all the juices that was there"! Badly Written Zombie Porn FTW! I was less impressed by the inaccuracy of description when it came to Maryse's breasts (and I have enjoyed enjoying her Playboy pics, so I know my shit). "Perky"? Agreed, they are perky (silicone represent yo!). But "Huge"...? Nahhh, kiddo, those aren't huge. Trust me. I've had sex at least... hmmmm.... well, more times than you!!
Stolen Love - All is not well in the Land of Raw! Undertaker and Kane lead the peasants in resistance (sadly without the aid of Sly, Con-man & Boner Boy) against the evil Prince Kurt! Undertaker's daughter Maria has been kidnapped to become the sex-slave of Arch-Duke Randy Orton! Lita gets raped by Kurt Angle! I'm not making any of this up!!!
Mating Season - Jeff Hardy is a GAY WEREWOLF!!! What is more, he wants to rape, murder and eat his own brother Matt along with Matt's gay boyfriend Adam Copeland! "The Hardy Show" just got taken to the EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME! (on a serious note, this story contains graphic descriptions of sex, don't visit unless you are over 18 and really want to)
Why is there so much male homosexuality in these things?
I want to read stories about comely lesbian Divas botching foreplay and breaking their clavicles whilst attempting the 69!
I guess I'll have to keep reading. And updating my blog with what I find!
Here are brief plotline reviews of some unintentionally hilarious ones.
Links provided to the full stories, but be warned! Some of the written material on the site is sexually explicit and potentially offensive. If in doubt, don't visit the site. I've suffered for your sins by reading this crap, you don't have to suffer yourself. (Wow, I feel like such a Messiah now!)
Til A Death Do Us Part - Batista and Rey Misterio Jr (I refuse to use WWE's spelling) are gay lovers. Batista is extremely protective of his territory (Rey-Rey's Mexican ass) and is revealed to have murdered Randy Orton to prevent him stealing the diminutive luchador's convivial cornhole. Presumably he then walked a mile inside Oscar's Pit Of Danger.
Life Is Good - Triple H ruminates on his 16-year romance with Shawn Michaels. Not hugely comedic, but I laughed for ages after misreading a passage as "To see his sparkling blue eyes when he woke up in the morning, to hear his laugh whenever he pissed in the hallway"... Immaturity FTW! But let's face it, their Clique buddy Sean Waltman probably pisses in the hallway and shits on the ceiling every morning, so you can understand my error.
Mickie James Tribute (poem/song) - the lyrics are actually better than 99% of WWE's theme music, but does Mickie James really deserve heartfelt tributes? (WrestleCrap actually did a special radio show for Blade Braxton to cry about her) She aint dead! She's just Future Endeavoured! Ahhh, I never liked her much anyway, and was quite put off by the pics of her sticking her fingers up her meaty you-know-what.
Hero By Night - Description: "By day, he is Mark Calaway, simple mechanic. But by night, he becomes the supernatural vigilante known to the world as the Undertaker. Now, he faces an enemy who has a sinister plan to destroy him, and take his city with him."
Too bad that currently there is only a cast-list, because this sounds freakin' awesome! How can you possibly beat a supernatural mechanic taking on Boogeyman, Gangrel, Daffney, Mordecai and PAPA SHANGO??!! I would pay to see this concept made into a film!!!
Having said that, is the author the only fan in the world NOT to know about Michelle McKoolaid? And Mideon being already dead just plain sucks.
Maryse Meets the Deadman - Maryse is sick of violently possessive Randy Orton (who seems to be a fanfic favourite) so she shags Undertaker (Michelle McKoolaid is NOT a fanfic favourite).
What made me chuckle was the mental image of the Undertaker in BOXER SHORTS! That and the fact that after the Man From The Darkside was thru with the French Canadian Beauty Queen they "licked up all the juices that was there"! Badly Written Zombie Porn FTW! I was less impressed by the inaccuracy of description when it came to Maryse's breasts (and I have enjoyed enjoying her Playboy pics, so I know my shit). "Perky"? Agreed, they are perky (silicone represent yo!). But "Huge"...? Nahhh, kiddo, those aren't huge. Trust me. I've had sex at least... hmmmm.... well, more times than you!!
Stolen Love - All is not well in the Land of Raw! Undertaker and Kane lead the peasants in resistance (sadly without the aid of Sly, Con-man & Boner Boy) against the evil Prince Kurt! Undertaker's daughter Maria has been kidnapped to become the sex-slave of Arch-Duke Randy Orton! Lita gets raped by Kurt Angle! I'm not making any of this up!!!
Mating Season - Jeff Hardy is a GAY WEREWOLF!!! What is more, he wants to rape, murder and eat his own brother Matt along with Matt's gay boyfriend Adam Copeland! "The Hardy Show" just got taken to the EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME! (on a serious note, this story contains graphic descriptions of sex, don't visit unless you are over 18 and really want to)
Why is there so much male homosexuality in these things?
I want to read stories about comely lesbian Divas botching foreplay and breaking their clavicles whilst attempting the 69!
I guess I'll have to keep reading. And updating my blog with what I find!
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