Retards Of Our Planet (Part 4)

Delving into Plymouth's Herald newspaper has turned up two examples!

Example 1: Last Saturday ten teenagers decided to swim out to Drake's Island, 1/2 mile offshore in Plymouth Sound. All of them made it there. SIX of them had not considered how to get back...
(It's okay, they're still alive! Reported here)

Example 2: The top 10 most retarded emergency calls received by Devon & Cornwall Police during 2009 -

1. "My power has gone off. Will my Sarah Lee gateaux defrost in the freezer if I keep the door shut and how long would it take?"
2. "The Chinese takeaway I ordered is 45 minutes late. I want you to prosecute the takeaway for ripping me off."
3. "Can one of your officers come around to my house to tell my sons to calm down?"
4. One night during the summer 15 999 calls were made all reporting UFOs in the sky over Cornwall. It turned out the spectacle was lights and lasers from a concert at the Eden Project.
5. "I can see a really rare bird sitting on top of a telegraph pole – who shall I ring?"
6. "I bought a pair of jeans at a shop last week and took them back but the shop won't give me a refund."
7. "There's been a pigeon in my back garden for the past three days – it's got a tag on."
8. "I have lost my shoplifting ticket I was given when I was arrested last week."
9. "Can you put me in touch with whoever deals with noise pollution as there is a builder using an angle grinder outside?"
10. A woman dialled 999 after waking up with her duvet covering her head and panicking.

(top 10 as reported by The Herald here.)