World Of Bizarre - Vorpal Bunnies and Puking Philadelphians

This story is about a month old. A secondary school teacher from Vechta, Germany has sued a 14-yr -old pupil for drawing a bunny wabbit on the classroom blackboard. The reason? The teacher has a phobia of bunny wabbits and was traumatised! Sounds hare-raising (sorry). Reported here.


Also in the news (thanks Telegraph!), a baseball fan from Philadelphia PA, USA, has pleaded guilty to deliberately vomiting on an off-duty police officer and his daughter in retaliation for the rozzer getting his drunken, foul-mouthed buddy thrown out of the Philadelphia Phillies (shyte name) game. This story makes me sick (sorry). Reported here.
Ironic that this occurred in the City of Brotherly Love, no? But then again, judging by the fans of ECW, Philadelphia appears to be home to some seriously obnoxious turd-brains. Luckily they have Brian Heffron to balance things out!

Retards Of Our Planet (Part 4)

Delving into Plymouth's Herald newspaper has turned up two examples!

Example 1: Last Saturday ten teenagers decided to swim out to Drake's Island, 1/2 mile offshore in Plymouth Sound. All of them made it there. SIX of them had not considered how to get back...
(It's okay, they're still alive! Reported here)

Example 2: The top 10 most retarded emergency calls received by Devon & Cornwall Police during 2009 -

1. "My power has gone off. Will my Sarah Lee gateaux defrost in the freezer if I keep the door shut and how long would it take?"
2. "The Chinese takeaway I ordered is 45 minutes late. I want you to prosecute the takeaway for ripping me off."
3. "Can one of your officers come around to my house to tell my sons to calm down?"
4. One night during the summer 15 999 calls were made all reporting UFOs in the sky over Cornwall. It turned out the spectacle was lights and lasers from a concert at the Eden Project.
5. "I can see a really rare bird sitting on top of a telegraph pole – who shall I ring?"
6. "I bought a pair of jeans at a shop last week and took them back but the shop won't give me a refund."
7. "There's been a pigeon in my back garden for the past three days – it's got a tag on."
8. "I have lost my shoplifting ticket I was given when I was arrested last week."
9. "Can you put me in touch with whoever deals with noise pollution as there is a builder using an angle grinder outside?"
10. A woman dialled 999 after waking up with her duvet covering her head and panicking.

(top 10 as reported by The Herald here.)

Retards Of Our Planet (Part 3)

Trainspotter nearly killed by train.
You know you're a lousy trainspotter when you fail to "spot" the one coming right up behind you at 70mph!

World Of Bizarre - You're dicked...er...nicked!

As reported in the Northern Echo and the Middlesbrough Evening Gazette, officers of the North Yorkshire Police were dispatched to a shop in Leeming Bar to confiscate a sandstone penis measuring in at 48 inches (and for once, ladies, that's not an exaggeration).


Jason Hadlow, owner of the Simply Dutch curio shop (and chairman of Yarm Town Council), had the giant geological Johnson imported from Indonesia and erected it (tee hee!) in his shop window.

He was perplexed when members (tee hee!) of the constabulary came to confiscate the collossal cock following complaints from the public that the menacing manhood was "obscene".

Mr Hadlow has been levied an £80 fine over the dong dispute but feels the furore is ridickulous (tee hee!) and has begun a Facebook campaign entitled "Free Willy" to protest against the perceived pecker prejudice.

He is also importing 150 more 4-foot phalluses, 10 of which have already been sold for £200 each. (Making mine worth approximately £30. If it was made of stone.)

In case anyone is wondering why Jakarta has a manufacturing industry devoted to rocky ramrods, it is apparently because Indonesians touch them for good luck. Insert joke here. (insert... heh heh heh!)

Words my own. Photo from GazetteLive. Spotter credit to Angry People In Local Newspapers

Alimony is running wild, brutha!

Fresh from his recent experience of tapping out to a divorce court, Hulk Hogan (known to attorneys as Terrence Gene Bollea) has released a brand new item of merchandise in an attempt to raise some much-needed funds.

Hogan gave us Surielism the following statement: "Lemme tell ya something brutha, sometimes a brutha's gotta do what a brutha's gotta do, especially when his ex-wife is carrying all his money away on her barn-door back, brutha! TNA's money isn't gonna last forever brutha, especially at the rate me and my bruthas are pocketing it! So help a brutha out and buy a shirt, whaddya say brutha?"

Insiders are predicting Hogan vs Linda in a "Divorceamania Rules" match at a future TNA event (the winner gets to shag the best friend of one of their teenage children, the loser gets to shag the best friend of the other of their teenage children).

World Of Crazy

Boeing 747 landing at airfield on the island of St Maarten in the Caribbean.
They do this all the time!

World Of Shocking (no humour)

Tranquility Bay was a correctional facility for wayward juveniles, based in Jamaica.

Its owner and director, Jay Kay, a bankrupt college dropout who formerly worked as a petrol station attendent, decided to establish a reform-school to which American parents would send their 'deliquent' children (some as young as 12) to be moulded into model citizens.

These teenage tearaways had committed such crimes as being disrespectful to their parents, smoking, having sex, having friends their parents disproved of and in one case smoking a joint.

To reform them they were sent to Tranquility Bay, sometimes after being forcibly removed from their homes, with parental consent (Shannon Levy-Rowley, for example, was handcuffed during her journey and later attempted suicide).

Their parents would legally grant Mr Kay 49% custody, agree to have no contact with the children for up to 12 months, waive the right to prosecute/sue if harm came to their offspring and pay him up to $40,000 a year for the privilege.

Tranquility opened its doors in 1997 and was finally closed down in 2009. (Here and here are parts 1 & 2 of a Guardian/Observer article from 2003 on the establishment.)

In the intervening years the staff (qualifications required: high-school education) employed psychological and physical abuse in order to correct the inmates.

Day-to-day live consisted of grinding prison monotony. Education consisted of reading from text books in silence and making notes. Submission to the system resulted in gaining 'credits', allowing one to progress from level-1 (forbidden from speaking or even moving without permission) to higher levels at which one could not only speak, but could also recommend punishments for kids at lower levels for disobedience.

Ah yes, punishment. Solitary confinement seems to have been frequently employed for teens misguided enough to break rules (or even complain at their treatment), as well as forcing them to lie on their face for hours at a time. If they struggled they might be forcibly thrown to the ground or into the nearest wall.

One girl was forced to spend 18 months (yes, you read that correctly) lying face down - she was allowed to stretch once every hour. Former inmates have reported staff breaking jaws and using weapons ranging from woodern planks to a radio.

One 17 yr-old girl, Valerie Ann Heron, threw herself to her death from a balcony at the facility. A 15 yr-old boy, Kerry Lane Brown, was pepper-sprayed 2/3 times a day over an 8 month period. Following his release he was repeatedly hospitalised due to PTSD and died in 2006 aged 24.

Incidentally, the company which handled the licensed-kidnapping of the youngsters was run by a man named Rick Strawn who previously quit his job as an Atlanta policeman rather than face an internal investigation over allegations he beat and molested his stepdaughter.

Tranquility Bay closed its doors in 2009 due to a decline in business.

Its parent company WWASPS (run by Jay Kay's father, coincidentally) is still operational, although a visit to the Wikipedia link will provide examples of the many cases of child abuse associated with the company.

Credit to TVTropes for the link to Guardian/Observer newsletter. Words my own and validated by sources provided.